Episodes

When Judith Antoni's best friend takes off without warning, it's up to her to figure out exactly what is going on and why she left...

Judith Antoni’s friend Claire has gone missing. Well, she’s alive, but she’s taken off and no one can track her down. Judith enlists the help of her friend Owen to start digging through the recordings made when Claire took possession of a house in Parkdale and things started to get… kind of weird.

Judith and Claire start working on the house, which comes with some unexpected issues, such as the endlessly creepy basement or the unsettling writing on the walls. They’re also presented with a difficult choice of which is worse: your ex showing up unannounced or 100 house centipedes in your sink?

What’s that in the basement? Is it a ghost? A demon? A very angry raccoon? Possibly all three? Claire and Judith investigate the downstairs finally and find that it is truly creepy in more ways than they would’ve expected. The recordings are getting freakier though, and one new one starts to shed a little light on what might have precipitated the changes happening to Claire.

In the recordings, Claire talks about finding diaries in the basement of the house, along with her new sleepwalking-related issues. Hoping to get their hands on some books, Judith and Owen head over to the house to root through the basement, but the house and whatever is inside it does not want them there.

Claire finds a homemade spirit board in the closet. Rather than hurling it out a window, she decides to invite people over to try it out. Turns out the house has a few things to say, and it’s feeling chatty. And aggressive.

Judith’s discomfort is causing tension with Claire, and things are getting heated, and the recordings are getting more and more odd… Also, remember: always take the time to get to know your neighbours, because you never know what memories of a terrifying blood cult they might have.

Judith is displaced from her apartment and has to crash in Claire’s guestroom. It’s going ok, aside from the sleepwalking. And the sleeptalking. And the fact that Claire keeps covering the house in broken glass in the night. And the creepy things she’s saying. Actually, it’s just a mess across the board.

Ever gotten a phone call from an unknown number that scares the hell out of you? Judith has, and she decides the best plan of action is to start crashing on Owen’s couch. They visit A. Bird to see if he’s maybe behind the issues at the house, but he’s got problems of his own. But it’s not just him who should be worried, it’s Judith and Owen, because the recordings aren’t just changing… they’re starting to talk back.

Still no word from Claire, and Judith and Owen are starting to really feel the stress of the shifting recordings. An unsettling recording from Adam doesn’t give them much closure either. Whatever is causing this, it’s decided that it’s had enough, and Judith and Owen better watch out… But it’s ok, recordings can’t hurt you, right? … Right?

W EL COM E
HO M E
CL A I R E

A semi-canonical tale about Christmas spirit… and Christmas spirits. What lurks in the past, and what is yet to come?

Welcome to the Parkdale Haunt Q&A episode, where Alex, Emily, and Ian answer listener questions, talk about our thoughts on S1, and debate chip flavours and wine preferences. For those that listen through to the end, there’s also a big ol’ bunch of bloopers from the S1 recording sessions. Thanks again for listening, and stay tuned for Season 2, coming this September…

Do you know what you're getting into?

Do you know what's happening to you?

Do you know what to do next?

The warm weather is here and so much has happened: Claire has returned! Judith is going on a date! Owen is back from vacation! These are all good things, right? … Right?

A lunch date results in some unintended consequences. Claire is getting weirder and Judith is not feeling it. Meanwhile, Adam is out on his super cool motorcycle ruining Owen’s day in more way than one.

Hello my darlings! I’m so glad you’re reading this. Today we’re going to discuss being positive when life doesn’t go our way. We try to stay positive here in our household. Life in the house is good, it’s so good. Everything is good, and if you say any differently, the only thing left for you to do is suffer.

A visit to Austin Bird’s house gives some insight. Judith steals a magazine. Owen ruins all his laundry. Lydia reveals that she’s got a better understanding of the situation than one would expect. And in the distance, something begins to burn…

There’s nothing like an old friend coming around for an unexpected visit, especially when all the doors are locked, and you’re not at home. Can’t say it’s something that Judith and Owen appreciate much, but maybe that’s just them. Meanwhile, Judith can feel another relationship starting to spiral out of control.

Owen and Judith engage in some espionage in a bid to see what Claire and Adam are like in public, calling in a favour with a rich frenemy. What could go wrong at a fancy party? Hang on, I’m getting a note that says “lots of things.” So, lots of things could go wrong. Whoops.

When stressed, you should take a step back and reassess, try to relax, and avoid doing anything too rash. Judith, when stressed, does none of these things, and NOW S H E WILL PA. Y FO R HER H U B RIS Y O U STUPID CH I L D

How do you feel in the calm before the storm?

What do you do when the world closes in on you?

Where do you turn when there’s no way out?

A semi-canonical standalone episode where everyone's just having a good time. Things are good. They're great! There's a cute dog! Everyone's eating a lot of bread! Christmas is here and it's just nice and nothing will ever go wrong ever again.

Parkdale Haunt goes live at Toronto Comicon 2022! Is it fun? You bet it is. Does it feature a great cast? Heck yes it does. Is it canonical? You better believe it isn't. Plus, you get an episode AND a Q&A all in one. It's like Christmas in March, if this is what you wanted for Christmas (a highly specific ask if there ever was one).

How do you move forward after all the pain you've caused?

Can you heal from what you've been through?

THERE IS NO TURNING BACK YOU CAN ONLY GO FORWARD INTO THE DARKNESS THAT THREATENS TO DEVOUR YOU

YET: in addition. It's the morning after the worst night of Claire, Judith, and Owen's lives. How do you pick up the pieces? Where would you even start? Where do you go from here?

POLLARD: to cut off the top and branches of (a tree) to encourage new growth at the top; a deer which has cast its antlers. There's nothing worse than an ex who won't let go, aside from an ex who sends their friends over to your place to try to get you to stay. Wait, did I say "stay"? I meant "be attacked by eldritch nightmare beings." It's the next morning, and the hangover is real. Like, it's real but also metaphorical. Everyone's feeling rough, but that won't stop Lydia. She waits for no one.

MALISON: (archaic) a curse. There is a certain amount of vulnerability you need to be able to have with someone to share a bed with them, to share a space, to go out in public unapologetically. There is a certain amount of courage and foolhardiness one must have to do these things while a plume of smoke starts to waft in your direction, as the winds change and the fires come ever closer. Judith, Claire, and Owen attempt tiny bits of normalcy while surrounded by an ever tightening ring of fire around them. The air grows thick and dark and all Judith wants is for things to be ok again (and also to have roasted fingerling potatoes). Is that so much to ask?

ERE LONG: (archaic) before long; soon. Claire lets off some steam while Judith and Owen go antique shopping. What? Not everything is doom and gloom, only most things. Sometimes you just have to take a little walk and see what the day brings you (and sometimes that thing is... a singing fish? Am I reading this right? Ok, whatever).

TORSION: the state of being twisted. There are plenty of good things about your university days, but spending time in the big sterile libraries is rarely one. It's especially not great if you're perusing the occult section while someone keeps an eye on you. There are eyes in the shelves, eyes in the halls, and eyes in the house... watching, always watching.

IRASCIBLE: having or showing a tendency to be easily angered. What lives in the basement of your mind? What do the voices in your head say to you in the dark? How deep do those fears go and what will you do the day you come face to face with them? You can't run. You can only listen. Do not go downstairs Do not go downstairs Do not go downstairs

SMALL HOURS: The very early morning, just after midnight, when most people are asleep. SPA MENU: Manicure - $58 40-Minute Massage - $150 Full Body Soak and Scrub - $189 Full Body Immolation - Complimentary The Fires of Moloch Burning Away the Sin Within Your Flesh - +$50 (weekends only) I just want to say here that I think we're the first podcast to include a cursed ONroute (for the non-Ontarians in the audience, this is the name of the highway rest areas with restaurants and whatnot), so make a quick run in to get a bagel for the road and grab me a coffee, because we got a long drive ahead of us deep into the endless dark.

CALIGINOUS: misty, dim; obscure, dark. Starting anything with, "Webster's Dictionary defines..." is always a bad move, so I'll just say this: Family is whatever you need it to be. You can be born into it or you can build it. You can weave threads between yourself and others to create a web that holds you all within its strands. Family can be born and family can be broken, and family can leave you with more questions than answers. What do you need? Who does this make you? How thick is the blood that pumps through your veins, Claire?

QUIETUS: final settlement (as of a debt). "Glacial Lake Iroquois was a prehistoric proglacial lake that existed at the end of the last ice age approximately 13,000 years ago. The lake was essentially an enlargement of the present Lake Ontario that formed because the St. Lawrence River downstream from the lake was blocked by the ice sheet near the present Thousand Islands. The level of the lake was approximately 30 m (~100 ft) above the present level of Lake Ontario. The subsequent melting of the ice dam resulted in a sudden lowering of the lake to its present level [...]. Two ancient shorelines in the Toronto area mark the existence of former glacial lakes. About 2 km inland from the shore, a ridge known as the Iroquois Shoreline can be discerned. The old shoreline runs west-east, running roughly parallel to Davenport Road just south of St. Clair Avenue West. Further east, the Scarborough Bluffs also formed part of the shoreline of the ancient lake." (Wikipedia) Remember your past. Walk until your legs give out, head out to where the shore used to be and wait by the edge. Watch the city lights under darkness. Think about what is to come. Remember where the water once was. How do you prepare for the end?

AMARANTHINE: undying. Trust. Simple in theory — do you have faith in someone, someone you love, someone you know, someone you care about? It can be difficult in practice, and there comes that moment where you ask yourself how do you find faith in the darkness? Who do you place your confidence in? Who can you rely on? To the people we love, we say: “Take this, please. It’s my heart, it’s my faith. Don’t break it. Don’t lose it. Don’t hurt it. Don’t hurt me.” Trust is the ability to lie in bed beside someone and, even in the most anxious of sleepless nights, know that you are safe. Trust is the knowledge that you will always find shelter from the worst of the world. Trust is the warmth of intertwined fingers. The steadying pressure of an embrace. Trust is a gift. Don’t break it. Don’t lose it. Don’t hurt it. Don’t hurt me. In the stygian darkness, who will stand beside you? Who will walk with you into hell? Who will walk out? Do you trust your friends?