20.5: Bonus: A Very Parkdale Christmas

A semi-canonical standalone episode where everyone's just having a good time. Things are good. They're great! There's a cute dog! Everyone's eating a lot of bread! Christmas is here and it's just nice and nothing will ever go wrong ever again.
CONTENT WARNINGS: the occult, alcohol, medical horror

[SFX: Chipper, upbeat indie Christmas music plays in the background, just cheesy as hell. Judith is shuffling around in a record shop]

JUDITH VOICEOVER: So, you’re probably wondering how I got here.

CUSTOMER: [SFX: enters store] Hey Judith, just thought I’d pop by to see if my order came in. I think that record is going to be the perfect Christmas gift.

JUDITH: Hey! Just got it this morning!

JUDITH VOICEOVER: After things went down at the house, it was a real mess, to put it lightly. We had so much to deal with, everything from insurance, to clean up to… I mean, the whole thing with Lydia. She was out there, she was more powerful than ever, and she was pissed. So, once we swept up the ashes, the four of us – me, Claire, Owen, and Adam – set out to stop her. We were… so afraid that this would result in us facing off against a foe who would burn us from the inside out. And we were scared and tired — but ready to face her head on.

CUSTOMER: You take cash, right?

JUDITH: What is this, the 90s? Only for you, buddy.

JUDITH VOICEOVER: It wasn’t going well. Adam panicked and took off, leaving one morning with nothing more than his suitcase and a bran muffin to go back to his hometown. He couldn’t handle it, and he bailed. But we couldn’t leave. We had to see this through. We were trapped and… just getting ready to lose.

CUSTOMER: See you at the Christmas tree festival on Saturday?

JUDITH: Wouldn’t miss it!

CUSTOMER: Great! And thanks again, Judith. You’re the best.

JUDITH VOICEOVER: And then something completely unexpected happened.We found Lydia, and it turns out that she couldn’t handle the power she’d taken on. It burned through her like fire through dry leaves, and by the time we got to her, she was gone. It was done. We were free. And I can’t begin to describe how good that felt. And after that, the three of us decided, y’know what? It’s time for a change. We’re burnt out, mentally, emotionally, physically, literally. So… we left Toronto. I think… I think it was time. We all needed space and some big changes in our lives, and we all needed to do that somewhere smaller. So, now we’re all here in Kingsville. Claire’s got a cute little rental near the park, which is great now that she has a dog that she dotes on endlessly. Owen has been working in a bakery and keeps bringing me loaf after loaf of his experimental breads, and I am running a record shop. It’a my little baby, Vinyl Resting Place. It’s great! It feels so good. It’s quiet, it’s chill, and I’m just really, really happy. Honestly, the last while has been… horrible. But, somehow, we got out. A little worse for wear, but we did it. And I’m so glad that we can all just relax and be ok. I missed it so much.

OWEN: [SFX: enters store] Hey Jude, I got a question for you.

JUDITH: Does it involve bread?

OWEN: No, it involves the top speed of a forest fire. Yes, it involves bread. What are your thoughts on a cinnamon sourdough as my signature loaf at the festival? I want to debut something new at the booth. I need to win the best booth competition.

JUDITH: I mean, I can’t knock it until I try it, so I’ll just wait for you to show up on my doorstep with a boule.

OWEN: I think it would be a hit. Got to keep up the holiday spirit somehow. That candy cane baguette did not go over great with customers…

JUDITH: Oh, I’m sure it would’ve found an audience if that guy hadn’t broken his tooth on it.

OWEN: We could’ve weaponized it. Protect your family from aggressive reindeer this Christmas! Back, back I say!

JUDITH: You stay far away from me with your murder loaves. Look, I’d love to chat, but I’ve got a shipment to sort through, so I’ll see you at dinner tonight?

OWEN: 8 PM at Claire’s. I’m in the mood to mull something. [pause] Hey, uhdoes it ever feel weird for you, going over there, to Claire’s?

JUDITH: I mean, sometimes, but at least it’s not the house anymore, right? Things feel different, but… they feel better. They feel good again. And yeah, sometimes I still have … dreams. Or nightmares… but yeah, I’m feeling content for the first time in… ages. I just want to enjoy this.

OWEN: Alright, sounds good to me, but if Claire picks up a knife I’m leaving.

JUDITH: I wouldn’t let her near you in the first place.

OWEN: See, that’s what I like about you, always ready to get stabbed on behalf of someone else.

JUDITH: I’m really trying not to make a habit of it.

OWEN: I’d hope not. Not to distract you further, but do you have anything I’d be interested in? What’s this one in the all-black sleeve? Are you expanding the goth section?

JUDITH: Oh, this is new. It’s… I don’t know this one. It’s… my wrists? I can’t tell if that’s the artist or the album title. Huh. Maybe Michael ordered it. Hang on, let’s throw it on. [SFX: There are a couple seconds of silence and then the music kicks in. It’s kind of ambient. There’s static in the recording. Then it stops. And it’s the hum of an empty, dank room, and breathing, ragged and shallow and pained]

OWEN: What is this, a horror movie soundtrack?

JUDITH: Yeah, I am not a fan. Uh, yeah. I’m going to unpack the rest of this stuff, so I am going to have to boot you out of here if you’re just going to keep hanging around. I’ll see you later?

OWEN: Sounds good. See you then!

[SFX: jingle. Claire’s kitchen]

CLAIRE: Can you pass me the olives?

JUDITH: Here. This is one hell of a charcuterie board.

CLAIRE: I literally can’t stay away from that cheese shop down the road.

JUDITH: You and me both. I don’t think I’ve eaten this well since… ever.

CLAIRE: Same. More wine?

JUDITH: Yes, always. I guess Owen’s running late.

CLAIRE: Yeah, you know him, chained to the wall.



JUDITH: Chained to the what?

CLAIRE: The oven? I just mean he’s probably finishing up a million cookies for the festival.

JUDITH: Oh, uh, ok. Right. Misheard you there.

CLAIRE: [soft sigh] Still thinking about what happened?

JUDITH: I… yeah. Sometimes. But it’s ok. I know that… wasn’t you.

CLAIRE: I know, but still, I’m sorry. I know how hard it’s been. I’m glad you’re comfortable just… hanging out with me again.

JUDITH: I mean, a lot went down, and there are still things I’m struggling with, but the most important thing is that you’re back, and we’re ok.

CLAIRE: And we’re all safe. We should toast to that.

JUDITH: Yeah. Yeah…

CLAIRE: Oh, shit, I actually forgot to grab the crackers from downstairs, one sec. Can you grab more cheese from the fridge too? I know Owen can’t get enough gruyere.

JUDITH: Wait, I thought Owen couldn’t eat cheese?

CLAIRE: [from downstairs] Can you hear me? Are you there?

JUDITH: I’m here, what’s up?

CLAIRE: [from downstairs] Don’t! Don’t you dare!

JUDITH: Claire? Is everything ok?

CLAIRE: You fucking MONSTER.

JUDITH: [SFX: runs down the stairs] Claire? Claire, what’s going on?

CLAIRE: Jude? Is everything ok?

JUDITH: Weren’t you just yelling?

CLAIRE: No? I was just digging through this cupboard and ta-da! I also found us a bottle of prosecco.

JUDITH: Oh. Ok! Ok. Yeah. Ok. Alright.

CLAIRE: Are… you ok?

JUDITH: Yes! Yes, I’m fine. I’m fine. Feeling great. Just… I think I’m hearing things?

CLAIRE: Well, you know what that means.


CLAIRE: You need another glass of wine and a seat on the couch. Come on, I’ll make you a plate with like, 40 olives on it.

JUDITH: Yeah. That would be great.

[SFX: jingle. Kitchen at Claire’s, they’re sitting around the table]

JUDITH VOICEOVER: We had a nice meal together every Thursday, the three of us. We’d swap whose place we’d go to, and it was a really nice little tradition. Turns out I love to cook. Who would’ve thought? Claire’s not too bad herself, and the meal tonight was no exception.

OWEN: I have to say, this pesto ravioli is amazing.

JUDITH: Yeah, it’s so good.

CLAIRE: Aw, thanks guys.

JUDITH: I think… wait, weren’t we just doing a charcuterie board tonight?

CLAIRE: No? Owen can’t have cheese, remember?

JUDITH: [pause] Right, right. Right! Right. Wait, isn’t there cheese in pesto?

OWEN: I have to say, this chicken is amazing.

JUDITH: Hang on-

CLAIRE: I think I’m tired of the festive music. Judith, did you bring anything by any chance?

JUDITH: Uh … Yeah, yeah, I did! Hang on, I can put something on.

CLAIRE: [yelling over from the other room] What did you bring?

JUDITH: Oh, nothing too wild, I don’t want to offend your delicate sensibilities, but I’ve got, uh…

OWEN: [SFX: comes in] Hey, need any help?

JUDITH: No, it’s just that… the record from earlier, I didn’t think I’d picked it up but… it’s here.

OWEN: Weird.

JUDITH: Yeah. [SFX: in the background, the music changes subtly, tracks merging into each other] Did… did I put it on? [SFX: The ambient music plays and then stops abruptly]

LYDIA: [on the record] You want her back? Not happening.

JUDITH: Oh my god.

LYDIA: [on the record] I need a plaything. and frankly, I don’t think you guys deserve her.

OWEN: [confused] Judith?

LYDIA: [on the record] I’m saving her for last. Or, well, as long as she’ll last.

OWEN: [furious] Don’t you touch her. Don’t lay a finger on her.


LYDIA: [on the record] Oh, what’s this? I’m laying a finger on her! I’m laying a whole hand on her! And if you even try to stop me, I will wring her neck and make you watch.

JUDITH: Jesus christ.

OWEN: Hmm?

JUDITH: Did you not hear that?

OWEN: Hear what? The mediocre ambient music?

JUDITH: Are you fucking gaslighting me? Lydia, Owen. Lydia’s voice was on there!

OWEN: No, what? Jude, she’s gone, she’s dead, we confirmed this. There wasn’t any voice on that record.

JUDITH: I could’ve… Let’s go back to the table. I can’t be near these right now.

CLAIRE: [SFX: comes into the room] Hey, is there an issue with the record player?

JUDITH: No, no, it’s just… uh…

CLAIRE: What’s up?

JUDITH: Claire, what if… I know we all saw Lydia burn away, but… what if she’s not totally gone?

CLAIRE: What? No, no, there’s no way.

JUDITH: I know, I know, but… what if there is? I… I’m hearing things, and I’m starting to get worried that we haven’t actually heard the last of her.

CLAIRE: Judith, it’s fine. You’re fine! Lydia’s done and dusted. Look, it’s almost Christmas. You’re tired, you’re stressed, work is nuts right now. Come here, [SFX: Lydia’s voice is quietly layered underneath] have I mentioned that your hair looks great?

JUDITH: Uh, thanks.

LYDIA: [SFX: the record kicks on again] You’re lucky you’re so cute.

JUDITH: Owen, throw that thing in the fucking trash.

[SFX: jingle. The record store]

JUDITH VOICEOVER: I know that Lydia’s gone. I saw it with my own eyes, I watched the ash blow away, and yet I can’t shake this feeling that I’m hearing her. That it’s not all in my head. My biggest fear is that she somehow comes back in some way, shape, or form, and she destroys everything. I’m terrified that she’ll take this all away again. I can’t lose them. I can’t lose Claire again. I can’t lose myself again. I finally feel like I’m home. I want to go home. [whispering] Please, please let me go home let me go let me go let me go let me go

JUDITH: God, please, I don’t want to be losing it. I just FOUND it, give me 6 months of peace. [SFX: door chime jingles] Well well well, look who the cat dragged in.

BIRD: Ah yes, very humourous. I was in the area and thought I’d come in to see if you had any Depeche Mode.

JUDITH: For you? Of course I do! Just knock it off the cost of my rent.

BIRD: I have to say, you’ve really brightened up the space. Did you know my previous tenant ran a beef jerky store?

JUDITH: Yes, it took 3 weeks to get the meat smell out.

BIRD: Truly bizarre. But this place is lovely. I think you’ve done a wonderful job with it.

JUDITH: That’s very sweet of you, Mr. Bird.

BIRD: Call me Austin.

JUDITH: Really?

BIRD: Of course. I think we’re well past the point of formalities now. I also wanted to say that I’d like to lower your rent a bit. Think of this as my Christmas gift to you.

JUDITH: Holy shit, seriously?

BIRD: Yes, by 10 dollars.

JUDITH: Oh. … alright.

BIRD: I’ve been thinking about how best to support small businesses, and honestly, the place to start is by giving them more financial freedom and not having them beholden to the whims of their landlord. So, yes. Consider your rent lowered!

JUDITH: You know what, Austin? Thank you. That’s great.

BIRD: Don’t mention it. Just never sell any dried meats in here.

JUDITH: Believe me, I have no plans to do that.

BIRD: [SFX: Bird’s text tone goes off] Ah, that’s Owen again about the D&D plans.

JUDITH: Oh, are you playing in his new campaign?

BIRD: Of course.

JUDITH: Wait let me guess — you’re playing as a rogue.

BIRD: Please, as if I would lower myself to play as a rogue. No, I play as a bard. One who is, I might add, revered across the continent.

JUDITH: I have to admit that I didn’t see that one coming, but I’m into it.

BIRD: [SFX: Bird’s phone rings] Ah, I should take this. Happy holidays Judith, and I’m sure I’ll see you soon.

JUDITH: You as well, and enjoy D&D. [SFX: he leaves] Absolutely unbelievable.

CLAIRE: [SFX: enters store, she has a small dog with her] Hey sugarplum, I thought I’d stop by on my way home so we can finalize plans for your Christmas tree festival booth! I’ve got lights, a vintage ceramic tree, and SO much tinsel. I was also thinking that Tabitha could wear this Vinyl Resting Place sweater – look, it’s so cute! – and a little Santa hat. OK, maybe I got carried away, but seriously look how cute she is! Oh, also, I brought you a snack.

JUDITH: Is that a crème brulée doughnut?

CLAIRE: You know it is.

JUDITH: You are the best. See, this is why I worked so hard to save your soul, who else would bring me snacks like this?

CLAIRE: Probably Owen.

JUDITH: Don’t give him ideas, I worry I might end up with a savoury quiche doughnut or something. [SFX: dog barks] Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t great you properly. Hello Tabitha! … Was that really the best name for your dog?

CLAIRE: You know she came like that.

JUDITH: I know, I can’t be mad at this little face.

CLAIRE: So that’s a yes on the Santa hat?


CLAIRE: I really want to outdo the bookshop next door.

JUDITH: Ziziphus?

CLAIRE: Yeah, maybe if no one goes to their booth they’ll start stocking books other than ones by Dan Brown and Danielle Steele. Like how many copies of The Da Vinci Code does one store need?Oh, sorry, actuallycan you hold the pup for a second? I went by the store and got you that big thing of olive oil, as requested, let me go grab it out of the car.

JUDITH: Sweet, thanks. [SFX: Claire runs out the door] Whosa a good girl? [SFX: the dog barks] Don’t you sass me. [SFX: the dog barks again, and its whine starts to turn into Lydia laughing] Holy SHIT.

CLAIRE: [SFX: comes back in] Who wants to make focaccia?

JUDITH: Uh, Claire…

CLAIRE: Yeah? Oh, did she pee on the carpet again?

JUDITH: No, that’s not it-

CLAIRE/LYDIA: How are your arms feeling? I’m sure I should let you down at some point, but where’s the fun in that?

JUDITH: Get out.

CLAIRE: [back to normal] What? Judith-

JUDITH: No, I can’t handle this.

CLAIRE: Jude, please, tell me what’s going on-

JUDITH: I think I’m LOSING it, Claire! I keep hearing Lydia’s voice, I hear her and I’m panicking because what if she’s back? What if she comes back and she’s stronger than ever and she just rips through all of us? We’re sitting ducks here.

CLAIRE: Jude, Jude, hey, shh, it’s ok. We’ve all been through a lot, and it makes sense that we’re not completely OK. It’s going to take time. I’m scared too. I’m scared, every second, that I’m going to lose control of my body again. I’m scared that the cult could still be out there somewhere, somehow. We’re all still scared, and honestly, I think we would be crazy not to be. But right now? Here? We’re safe. Things have been really quiet, and that’s a good sign. I honestly think that we’re going to be ok. [sighs] You did so much over the last few months to literally stop the world from being destroyed, so of course you’re going to be feeling aftershocks of that. And ok, once the holidays are over, why don’t we take a nice long break, ok? We could have a girls’ weekend or something. Rent a nice cottage with a sauna or a hot tub and we can watch bad teen movies from the 2000s and just ignore the rest of the world. That would help, right?

JUDITH: [sigh] Yeah, yeah, that sounds great. I’m sorry. I’m just… when I hear things now, I worry that I don’t know what’s real and what isn’t, because everything feels really fuzzy lately.

CLAIRE: You’re tired, and you’re stressed. Close up shop, eat your donut, and go take a nap or take a bath or something, ok? I’m going to pick up your banner from the printer, and I’ll be over tomorrow to help you set up. But call me if you need ANYTHING, ok?

JUDITH: Yeah. I will.

CLAIRE: I love you.

JUDITH: I love you too.

[SFX: jingle. Judith’s bedroom]

JUDITH VOICEOVER: I have to admit, I’m worried that I’m starting to fray mentally. What if Lydia found a way to extend her power, even after death? Claire’s grandparents did, so it must be possible? She obviously had a knowledge of these things, and-[SFX: phone rings]Oh.

JUDITH: [SFX: picks up phone] Hello?

OWEN: [on phone] Hello?

JUDITH: Hey man, what’s up?

OWEN: [on phone] Just let her go.


OWEN: [on phone] What do you want?

JUDITH: Owen, who are you talking to?

OWEN: [on phone] When I find you, I will put you through a goddamn wall, you hear me?

JUDITH: Who are you talking to?

OWEN: [on phone] Can I talk to her?

JUDITH: To who?

OWEN: [on phone] Please, hold on. We’re coming. [SFX: call ends]

JUDITH: [SFX: puts phone down, deep sigh] Fuck, god…

[SFX: jingle. Outdoor Christmas festival. Owen’s bakery’s booth]

JUDITH: You’re sure you didn’t call me.

OWEN: 100 percent. I’ve been laminating dough all day. Jude, if you aren’t copious amounts of butter I have not been involved.

JUDITH: Goddamnit. Owen, I’m fucking losing it.

OWEN: Have you been sleeping ok?

JUDITH: Yes. I think? I don’t know, I’ve been having these weird dreams and even when I have been sleeping, I’ve been so uncomfortable. My shoulders are so tight all the goddamn time. But, fuck, ok, what if… what if Lydia really is back-

OWEN: Jude-

JUDITH: Hear me out! We know that Claire’s grandparents found a way to preserve their spirits, and even move them into other bodies, so what if like… Lydia did the same? Maybe her mom helped, she clearly has a grasp on that kind of stuff.

OWEN: Judith-

JUDITH: It’s possible, Owen! Lydia could be coming back, and we need to be ready, we need to be ready and raring to go in case she comes pounding on our doors, ready to burn our flesh off of our bones!

OWEN: [loudly] Yes, oven safety IS very important to me. I would NEVER burn the flesh off of my bones.

CUSTOMER: Uh, ok? Can I get two sugar cookies please?

OWEN: Coming right up. Jude, look, maybe Lydia had some sort of plan to resurrect herself, but it’s been months. There’s been no sign of her or the cult or anything, and I’m not trying to downplay your worries, but what you’re talking about is a lot of “what ifs” and just… what if it’s done? Jude, what if we can finally move on and build new lives for ourselves? 

JUDITH: I don’t know. I don’t know. I guess… maybe? [sigh] I’m sorry.

OWEN: Hey, no sorrys. It’s fine. Look, why don’t you get a peppermint mocha and go check out the tree?

JUDITH: I should probably get back. Claire’s watching the booth but Ned from the bookstore showed up with a cardboard cut-out of Dan Brown wearing a Santa hat and I really don’t want Claire to throw it into the bonfire.  

OWEN: I didn’t know Claire hated Dan Brown that much.

JUDITH: I think it’s just the principle of the thing? Oh, they’re going to announce the winter for the best booth!

OWEN: Oh sweet! Jude, it’ll be ok, alright? We’ll keep each other safe, don’t worry about that. I got you. [pause] How do we get her out?


OWEN: How do we get her out? Please, I need your help. What is this? How do we get her out of here?

JUDITH: Owen, what are you talking about?

OWEN: [getting more frantic] We gotta get her out of here, now. Help me. We need to get her out. We have to get her out! We have to get her out!

JUDITH: Owen, Owen, calm down, what are you talking about?

OWEN: Judith? Judith, please, say something, please.

JUDITH: I’m here, I’m ok, I-[her breathing starts to get erratic, she’s in a lot of pain] Owen? Fuck, oh my god, what’s happening? [SFX: she drops onto her knees] Oh my god, oh my god, fuck, fuck, fuck-

OWEN: Jude? Are you there? Help me, please, help.

JUDITH: [SFX: you can hear Judith take in a huge gasping breath, and then the static breaks and they are now in a small dark room at Lydia’s] Please, please, what’s going on?

OWEN: Claire, I need you to help me, how do I get her out? We need to get her down.

CLAIRE: Fuck… I mean, either way we have to remove this.

OWEN: What is it? 

CLAIRE: I don’t know but whatever it’s putting in her veins cannot be good.

OWEN: Ok, ok, ok… uh… you sure it’s ok to just take it out?

CLAIRE: Owen, we cannot stick around, and I’m not dragging this cursed IV with us.

OWEN: Ok, uhhh… god, Jude, I’m so sorry. [SFX: he pulls an IV out of her arm] You cut that and I’ll get her down. 

CLAIRE: Ok. [SFX: she steps up on a chair and cuts a rope, Judith drops and Owen catches her]

OWEN: I got her, Jude? Jude? Hey, can you stand?

JUDITH: [confused and in pain] What’s happening?

OWEN: You’re at Lydia’s and we need to get out you out of here right now, come on, you gotta move.

CLAIRE: She’s going to come back any minute now. Jude? Come here.

OWEN: I got her, I got her, it’s fine. Can you get the door?

CLAIRE: Yeah, yeah. Jude? Come on, let’s get her to the car.

JUDITH: [very shaky] I can walk, I- [SFX: tries to stand, wobbles, drops a bit] everything HURTS, oh my god, fuck fuck shit-

CLAIRE: Did she seriously leave you strung up like this the entire time?!

OWEN: I swear, I will rip her in half if she shows up-

CLAIRE: Get your revenge later, we need to leave. [SFX: they start heading up stairs from the basement]

OWEN: Jude, I know this hurts, but you gotta move, I’m so sorry.

JUDITH: Yep, yep, why am I so hot? What’s wrong with me?

CLAIRE: Whatever she was giving you is going to cause some freaky side effects, I think.

JUDITH: Is she here? Is Lydia here? [SFX: door to the basement opens]


OWEN: Oh SHIT. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit- [SFX: They burst through the front door running, awkwardly with Judith]

CLAIRE: Car! Car car car car! [They jump in the car, Claire starts the engine and guns it, Owen’s in the backseat with Judith]

OWEN: Oh shit, oh shit, fuck fuck fuck fuck


CLAIRE: Merry Christmas, you heinous bitch!

OWEN: Jude? Jude? How you doing? You ok, bud?

JUDITH: I feel like shit.

OWEN: That’s probably an understatement. Hey, Claire, where are we going?

CLAIRE: We’re going to your place.

OWEN: What? She needs to get to a hospital!

CLAIRE: Hospitals ask questions, and we can’t risk exposing anyone else to Lydia. We’re up against something much bigger than any of us. We can’t risk her murdering everyone who shows up on her property! We are going to yours.

OWEN: Ok… fuck. Jude, you with us?

JUDITH: I’m here, unfortunately.

[SFX: jingle. Owen’s living room]

CLAIRE: Do you remember what happened?

JUDITH: I… I don’t. I was at home. I was getting ready for bed. I smelled… flowers. Like flowers in a swamp.

CLAIRE: Lotus.

JUDITH: Sure… I went to the window and… it’s like I woke up in a different version of my own life. How long was I there, and also, why didn’t she just kill me?

CLAIRE: Well, you were there for two days.

JUDITH: What, and no one but you guys noticed?

CLAIRE: We were getting worried after neither of us had heard from you in a day, but I got tipped off when I ran into your mom. She said she’d spoken to your girlfriend, who said you had the flu. We immediately started stalking out Lydia’s place.

OWEN: We eventually caught a glimpse through her basement window of you and… yeah.

JUDITH: Fucking yikes. My shoulders are still killing me.

OWEN: Yeah, no one should have their arms above their head like that for so long.

JUDITH: It’s a very inconsiderate way to keep someone captive.

OWEN: She kept calling us just to taunt us. She told us that she was saving you for last.

CLAIRE: At least I’m pretty sure whatever she was using to keep you knocked out should be out of your system by now.

JUDITH: Small miracles, I guess.

OWEN: Can I get you anything?

JUDITH: 600 ibuprofen and a bottle of scotch for my back.

OWEN: I’m going to get your three and a glass of water.

JUDITH: You know, I have this vague memory of what I was… dreaming, I guess, during this, and it wasn’t half bad.

CLAIRE: Oh yeah? Was I doing anything cool?

JUDITH: No, but you had a cute dog.

CLAIRE: Ok, I like that.

OWEN: [SFX: comes back with ibuprofen and a glass] Here.

JUDITH: Thank you. [pause] And thank you for getting me out of there. Best Christmas gift a girl could ask for.

OWEN: Ah, don’t worry about it. Now we’re even.

JUDITH: Hah, I guess so. By the way, Owen, for Christmas I got you me sleeping on your couch, because I don’t think I can get up.

CLAIRE: Judith apparently had dreams about us during her stay in the Hell Hotel.

OWEN: Oh, anything good? Was I doing anything cool?

JUDITH: It was… it was fine. It was a nice dream to have, for a bit. But I think I like the real-world version of you two more. You’re a lot more proactive here. But, just to be safe, Claire, can you do me a favour?


JUDITH: Just pinch me. Might as well make totally sure that I’m not dreaming.

CLAIRE: Ok. [she does] How was that?

JUDITH: [pause] Do it again.

CLAIRE: Um, ok.

JUDITH: I… I don’t feel anything. I didn’t feel it.


OWEN: Maybe it’s just nerve damage?

JUDITH: No, I would’ve felt it, I would’ve felt something but I didn’t feel anything. Just give me your arm.

OWEN: Hey-…

JUDITH: What did you feel?

OWEN: … nothing? Oh… fuck.

CLAIRE: Oh my god. Guys, I don’t… I can’t feel… Jude, what’s going on?

JUDITH: I don’t know! I… [SFX: the ambient music from the record starts playing quietly in the background]

OWEN: Hey guys, what is that?

JUDITH: Oh no-

[SFX: Very softly, Lydia laughs in the background]